Friday, 31 August 2012

You rain as moon....


It’s all rain when mine meets your eyes;                                                                                    
It rains cool as the soft rays of moon,
I find no discordance anywhere but symphony.

And when you go miles away it’s again symphony;
As I try to find in every bit that passion in your eyes,
Hours slip away as I drink last night’s moon.

My world and I shine in that divine moon;
As I keep the endless notes of the symphony
Flowing through me to every corner, from my eyes.

 The symphony of moon divine flows from my eyes,
                                                                            raining out to the root.


22 comments:

  1. "Hours slip away as I drink last night’s moon."
    . . .
    "My world and I shine in that divine moon. . . "

    Sreeja, could anything be more beautiful? Any symphony be more divine?

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  2. very nice..delicate..lovely!
    I really liked it:)

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  3. Nice use of the moon as the central image

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  4. Well done ... I liked this new form of poetry that you wrote so perfectly :-)

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  5. nice...love the play on the symphony and the moon...it is very beautiful...and funny too how you and mohana chose a similar route....very nice play on the form...

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    1. thank you...i read her...but this striked me now and I went back to read once more.....a wide smile on that...I like the way she uses words.....

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  6. I loved 'My world and I shine in that divine moon' which is such a beautiful image! Loved your melodic use of the tritina form.

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  7. Very lovely play on the moon and symphony ~

    I thought though that the last line can tightened and maybe more concise like (for example) :

    In your eyes, the divine moon, perfect symphony ~

    Happy day ~

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    1. ah thanks for that Grace....thats really a perfect line.....

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  8. drinking last night’s moon....so serene...love the mood you paint here..

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  9. Hi Sreeja,

    Maybe that is why a wolf howls so much at the moon, it's mate is miles away and his world is shining in the moon and his howling is creating a symphony directing his mate on how to get home.

    I really liked your poem a lot and maybe some night I will drink in the moon's beauty and create a symphony in the rain. Tonight there is supposed to be a blue moon, I guess it occurs about every three years.

    This was a truly fantastic poem for this weeks Eyes Theme Thursday. Thanks for joining us this week.

    God bless.

    PS...your comment went through to my email but it did not post in the comments section. Did not know if you wanted to repost it or not. Thanks for such kind thoughts.

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  10. So lovely! I used the word "moon" in mine as well!

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  11. The moon can be so enticing. And you brought it out so well, sreeja!

    Hank

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  12. The form and your imagery work so well together, as if the theme and the structure danced in a waltz underneath the moon.

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  13. Hours slip away as I drink last night’s moon.

    Know that, been there! The poem resonates with everyday experience.

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